All My Fault
by DracoPendragon
Summary: Drarry - It was all Harry's fault, he knew. He was going to make it better though. Warning: Contains swearing, self-harm and character deaths, but ends on a slightly more positive point.
1. The beginning

***DISCLAIMER* I do not own Harry Potter or anything to do with it except my fanfic ideas.**

**Warming- contains swearing, self-harm and character deaths.**

* * *

"Malfoy."

"What do you want, Potter?" Draco drawled.

"I need to talk to you. Alone." Harry put emphasis on the word alone. Draco stood up, moved further from his friends and spoke in a voice only Harry could hear.

"Fine. I'll meet you in the Potions classroom at 10pm, ok?"

"Fine." And so Harry left for his next lesson, and Draco returned to his friends.

* * *

Harry made his way down to the Potions classroom underneath the Invisibility Cloak, using the Marauder's Map to make sure that he didn't bump into anyone in the corridors.

* * *

"Finally, Potter. I thought you weren't going to show up." Malfoy's snide voice came from the shadows as Harry entered the dark and seemingly empty classroom.

"Well what did you want?" Malfoy stepped into the area of the classroom that was full of light coming from a nearby candle.

"You." Replied Harry simply, and kissed the blonde.

Draco struggled against him. "What the Hell are you doing, Potter? Are you fucking insane?"

"What? You were the one who suggested this."

"Yes, casually! You can't just call me every time you feel needy, it doesn't work like that."

"But I want you." Harry went to kiss Malfoy again.

He was pushed away, violently. "No. You don't want me; you just want what I can give you, not who I am."

"Stop being thick, Malfoy."

"If you want me, call me by my real name."

"I want you, Draco, not-"

"You don't mean it." Harry opened his mouth to argue. "Don't even bother, Harry." Malfoy had anticipated it. "I on the other hand want you, not just what you can give me. I love you Harry."

"Don't play with me, Malfoy."

"See? You don't even believe me! I want to be with you, I want us to be together. You don't even like me enough to trust me. You can't get over the fact that we used to hate each other, and you don't trust me. I've left the past behind, I trust you completely. I know things about you no one else does. I know how you act all brave, but inside you hate being seen as a hero, you want to be normal. I know because you told me, and I listened, even though you thought I didn't, and I love you, Harry Potter. But you don't love me." Malfoy laughed, a calm look in his eyes. "Don't you see, Potter? This… thing between us isn't going to work. I'm too emotionally involved, and you aren't emotionally involved enough."

"Draco, I do want you."

"But you don't love me."

"I do." Harry stepped closer to the blonde and ran his hands down Draco's arms soothingly. Draco pulled away and crossed to the other side of the room, placed his back against the wall and slid to the ground, knees drawn to his stomach, head in hands. Harry went to console him, but as soon as he took a step forward, Malfoy reacted. "Don't. Just leave me alone. GO!"

"And if I don't want to?"

"I don't give a damn, Potter, whether you want to or not. Just leave me the fuck alone."

"Only if you kiss me before I go." Draco stood up, tears falling down his face. He moved over to Harry, wrapped his arms securely around the raven-haired boy, and kissed him gently, lips salty with tears. Then he drew back, placed his mouth near Harry's ear and whispered: "I'm sorry, Harry. This should never have happened. Goodbye." And then he was gone, back to his original position on the floor against the wall.

Harry stood there for a moment. "GET OUT! GO! LEAVE ME ALONE! **Please**! Just go." Draco screamed, and then all that Harry heard was the harsh choking sound that was Draco's crying.

Harry felt his eyes water, and before he could do anything, he was crying too. He turned towards the door, and started to exit. As he reached the doorway, he took one last look back at Draco. The other boy was looking straight at him, grey eyes filled with tears. _He looks so pitiful. _Harry thought. _I can't just leave him. _But deep down inside, Harry knew what Draco had said was true. He didn't love the Slytherin, and he probably never would. Harry turned back to the door and exited the room into the hallway. The last sound he heard before slamming the door was Draco's muffled cries of sorrow.


	2. The Next Day

**The next day**

"Harry wake up. HARRY!" Gentle hands were shaking Harry by the shoulders. He opened his eyes, and saw the blurred face of Hermione staring down at him. He rubbed at his eyes, clearing the image. Hermione had a pained expression on her face. Harry looked around. He was in the Hospital Wing. Ron was in the chair next to him, face lined with worry. What had happened? One of his arms felt heavier than the other. He looked at his left forearm, and was surprised to see a giant slash running nearly all the way down it. "Harry, you've lost a lot of blood. No one's sure exactly what happened, but you weren't answering Ron when he called you, so he went to wake you, and… he found you on your bed with an enchanted knife blade next to you, your arm cut open, sheets stained with blood. And a lot of it." She added thickly. "So he called me, and we told Professor McGonagall, and she brought you here. She wants to talk to you, she's waiting outside." Hermione explained in a delicate voice.

Harry looked to his right. There, lying on the bed next to him, was the pale face of Draco Malfoy, eyes shut, not visibly breathing. "What's Malfoy doing here?" He never took his face away from Malfoy's.

"Harry, he's… dead. He was found in his dorm after lunch. He had several scars on both his wrists. Oh Harry, I'm so sorry. They think he committed suicide." Harry eyes filled with tears. It was entirely his fault. He had left Draco alone; he hadn't stayed to protect the blonde from himself.

"Harry, he left a letter for you." Harry slowly looked at her. She was pointing at a letter on the bedside table next to Harry, the one between him and Draco. "We'll leave you to read it." She started to rise from the side of his bed, where she had been perched. "No, don't go. I'll open it later. Did McGonagall want to see me?"

"Yes, I'll go get her." And Hermione got up and went to fetch the Professor, eyes bright and full of held back tears.


	3. 10 Years Later

**10 years later**

Harry sat in the hospital bed, readmitted in as a result of a dangerous amount of blood loss. This had been going on and on ever since the day he'd left Draco alone in the Potions classroom, ever since he had left Draco to his death.

It was an addiction to him now. He had been in wizard rehab 10 times, each time for a period of 6 months, but to no avail. He still damaged his wrists more and more each day, never forgiving himself for Draco's death. Every line he cut in his flesh reminded him that it was his fault that Draco had died, his fault that the one good thing in his life had been lost.

Draco's funeral played over in his mind, tormenting him, driving him to cut deeper and deeper until blood gushed from his veins in large waves.

He had stuck to the background, not saying anything. Before the coffin lid had been lowered, Harry had been left alone with Draco's dead body. _I guess it was on Draco's orders._ Harry had cried then, wept like he had never done for anyone before, all apologies said, but not heard, for who was to hear them? Draco was dead, all because of him. It was all his fault, all his fault. Harry remembered kissing Draco's cold lips gently, as Draco had his, all traces of the sweet taste of green apples that had always been present on the blonde's lips obliterated, and Harry had said "I'm sorry, Draco. This should never have happened. Goodbye." He had looked at Draco's scars, still prominent, unable to heal because nothing was working to heal them.

Draco's scars were etched into his mind permanently, and whenever Harry looked at his own, he saw the similarities they bore to Draco's and was he was content.

The letter that Draco had left Harry stayed unopened, for Harry had no desire to examine its contents.


	4. 2 Months Later

**2 months later**

This, Harry knew, would be his last time in St. Mungo's. He could no longer take living without Draco. Harry knew he had saved the Wizarding world from the evils of Voldemort, and that was no easy task, but it shocked him that he couldn't save his one true love from himself.

**He had been a fool.**

He had always loved Draco, so what had he done telling himself otherwise?

**He had been so foolish.**

Now it was his time. He looked at his wrists. He no longer recognised them as his own, they were so badly mutated. _For you, Draco._ Harry thought. _I did it all only for you._


	5. 2 Days Ago

**The following evening**

"Hermione apparated to the front steps of 12 Grimmauld Place. She knocked on the door, using the elegant silver serpent-shaped knocker that was on the door. The sound echoed through the house. _He's probably sleeping, _she thought. She waved her wand at the door. It creaked open. "Harry are you in here?" Silence. "Harry I've just come to check on you, see if you're alright." Still nothing stirred.

Hermione sat weeping, cradling Harry's dead body on her knees, covered in his blood. She had tried desperately to revive him, using all muggle and magical techniques she knew. But it could not be done. She had called some healers as soon as she had found him, but they hadn't arrived yet. She had checked for a pulse, but hadn't found one. Then she'd seen the letters on his bed. She had read both. One was in an envelope addressed to her, and had read:

_Dear Hermione,_

_I'm not sorry. I had to do it; I couldn't go on without him any longer. Look at the letter, see what he put. I should have opened it sooner. I have to apologise to him, this is the only way. I won't come back. He wasn't scared of moving on, and neither am I. Besides, I have nothing left on earth anymore anyway, except you and Ron and the Weasleys of course, but I can look after you all from where I am now. I'm not sorry._

_Love, Harry_

After she had read that one, she had turned to the other piece of parchment that was on his bed.

_Dear Harry,_

_If you're reading this, then it means that I'm dead. I succeeded. I __**swear**__ it wasn't your fault Harry, please don't let yourself believe that. Of course it hurt when you left, even when you saw how upset I was. I trusted you Harry. I still do even though I'm dead. I know it. I won't come back. I'm not scared of moving on. Whether I go to Hell or to Heaven, I'll be satisfied as long as I know you're alright. I would hate to see you hurt, Harry. I'm sorry. I should never have started it, and I should never have let it get to me. Of course you weren't interested in me, you're the Boy Who Lived, and I'm just some snobby git. I love you Harry. I just wish you felt the same way about me. You didn't want it and I should never have pushed it on you so hard, it's just… you were so irresistible, Harry. And I'm sorry I snapped at you, I shouldn't have, but I didn't want you to see the real me, the damaged side. You healed me, Harry Potter. You saved me, temporarily, from myself. And so I thank you, my saviour. And I hope that this will be enough to save you from yourself. I love you Harry, know that. And treasure it. Because you're special: you're the only person I've ever loved. You were my escape, you filled me inside with so much happiness and caring that doing this, leaving you, was nearly impossible. But not even you could mend my broken soul. But thank you, Harry, regardless. For being there when no one else was._

_Love always, even in Heaven or Hell, Draco x_

And so Hermione watched with teary eyes as the coffin was lowered magically into the ground. Harry was to be buried next to Draco, as per his wishes. Draco had left everything he owned to Harry, and Harry left it all to Hermione, 'in the hopes that she would use it to make life better for those like her [muggleborns]' and as the ceremony concluded, Hermione smiled, knowing that Harry and Draco would be together at last.


	6. Meeting again

**Meeting again**

All Harry saw was darkness. Not the sinister kind, but just plain darkness. Then in front of him came a bright white light.

* * *

Harry had, by some means to which he was unknown, moved. Now, instead of darkness surrounding him, there were happy, smiling faces. He was in a park, everyone around him dressed in the purest white robes, all smiling, some recognising him and gaping in awe. A crowd of people soon gathered around him, and he greeted everyone politely. He looked down at his body. He too was wearing robes of the purest white, and his arms were without scars. Then, he saw his mother and father, pure joy radiating from them. Harry ran to greet them, and as he came into their range, they swept him up into a giant embrace, love encompassing the trio as they were reunited. "We're so proud," smiled Lily, and Harry found him staring into eyes exactly like his.

"We're so happy to see you again, but we hoped that it wouldn't be so soon," James sighed, messing his hair as Harry so often did.

"I'm not sorry. I lost someone very dear to me, and I couldn't live without him." Harry explained to his adoring parents.

"We know. He's told us everything." And Harry parents stepped apart a little, and between them Harry saw Draco's beaming face. Harry was lifted off his feet by the other boy, and was twirled around in the air.

"Draco, I'm so sorry, I wish I would have listened, I should have cared, I'm so sorry, I'll never leave you again." Harry sobbed as his feet touched the ground again.

"It wasn't your fault Harry. I just wanted you to be happy-"

"And I was happy, whenever I was with you, I should have told you I loved you, and I still do love you, so much, if you'll have me?"

Draco stopped, feigning confusion. "Hmm," he muttered, stroking his imaginary goatee, "will I still have you, Potter? Are you mad, of course I will! I love you, Harry Potter." And the couple kissed, not caring who saw it. Passion ran through them, and Harry knew that he was in love with Draco, he always had been, and he was a fool to deny it.

"I'm so sorry Draco, you have to realise I was stupid, I did love you, I always had, and I always will for the rest of… eternity! And everything I did, after your death, I did it for you."

"I wasn't worth saving Potter. But you and your hero psychology, you have to save everyone, don't you, darling?"

"You were worth it all to me. I'll never leave you again, Draco. I love you." The pair looked at Harry's parents, who had been joined by Draco's parents. The Malfoys seemed… slightly weirded out by the idea their son was gay, and with Harry Potter at that, but they seemed genuinely happy for their son. And the Potters were just happy to have been reunited with their son.

Everyone Harry had loved and lost was around him at that moment: his parents, Draco, Dumbledore, Sirius, Hedwig, even Fred Weasley. And Harry knew that he was finally at peace.

* * *

**A/N:** So what do you think? I'm not used to writing sad stuff, so I thought I'd end it on a happier note. I'd love to know what your opinions were, thanks for reading! :)


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